Should I Stay or Should I Go?
by TwilightWolfVampire
Summary: After Bella is married to Edward, she starts to have second thoughts about her life with him. What about Jacob? Read to find out in this story.
1. This Is Just The Beginning

Waking up to his scent felt like irresistible bliss

Waking up to his scent felt like irresistible bliss. Every morning would be like this from now on. Edward and I are legally to be forever and ever. We were in his room, on his golden bed, the most comfortable bed I've ever laid in.

Last night was the most spectacular night of my life. As newly weds, we spent our first romantic night together. I laid in his arms opening my eyes to take in the morning sunlight, something I wouldn't be able to enjoy in my later _life_.

"Up already, my dear?" His sweet scintillating voice filled my ears. His words sounded like a lullaby that was meant for me only.

I turned to face him as he kissed my forehead. "You are so much prettier than ever. Not that you weren't before, but now that you're mine, I feel so much closer to you."

I wanted to speak in return but my morning voice would come out like a murmur, almost a low growl, how embarrassing. In return, I smiled the nicest of smiles that I could. Before he tried to kiss me, I had to wash up. I hated morning breath.

Slipping out from under the covers, I headed for the bathroom. "Do come back shortly," Edward called out from the bed, still under the covers.

I came back to find him sitting on his computer chair dressed in his dark blue jeans and a black t-shirt. His hair was gelled and rustled and combed towards the back. He sat there, smiling at me. I couldn't help but be mystified by his topaz eyes.

"Sorry for taking so long," I told him.

"You weren't long at all, my dear. But I'm glad that you're here now."

He called me over to him, I knew what he wanted. I sat on his lap, gazing into his eyes as his face moved towards mine. He searched my face. "I love you more than ever," his breath brushed my lips.

"I love you too," I replied as I teasingly kissed him. His hands ran down my back and then to my sides. "That was a lot of fun last night, you know."

"Lots and I'm sure it shall happen again soon," he mouthed against mine. He then came to a halt. "Alice is wondering why we haven't come down yet."

"Does Alice not remember what happened yesterday? I specifically told her to not expect us down too early," I laughed.

Edward smiled in return. "Poor Alice. She wants everything to be perfect. You know, she just finished making breakfast for you. She figured you'd be hungry since you hadn't eaten since yesterday afternoon."

"We should go down. She's done a lot for us, especially me. I only wish I could enjoy her meal with you."

"How I wish I could do everything I can with you. Soon enough, like you wanted, it shall happen."

I froze at his words.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing, I just—" I stopped. "Never mind. I just completely forgot about—never mind, I can't wait to become one of you. We can spend the rest our million years of life together, for as long as we want."

Edward stared at me for a little longer than expected. "No matter what you choose, I still love you."

"What do you mean, what I choose, you know what I want already."

Edward paused in thought. "I know, my dear. Whenever you're ready, you'll let me know," he said as he led me towards the door.

We headed down the stairs. Edward held my hand as he led me. Alice was waiting at the bottom. "I can't believe it Bella. You guys are married!"

Alice ran to the kitchen and brought back a plate full of pancakes, designed in the shape of a crescent moon with syrup. "All night, I stayed back and made these for you. Cooking is actually kind of fun, Bella."

"Thank you so much Alice," I told her as we walked to the table. Edward took out my chair for me. I sat down and started to eat. I had no idea I was this hungry. The pancakes were delicious as well. I started to chow down on it.

"Well, Alice I think you've got your answer," Edward said.

Alice smiled at Edward. I could tell they were talking with each other telepathically.

Eating the pancakes made me remember Charlie. The first time he ever made me breakfast was the time he made pancakes. They tasted like the first time someone decided to cook but all in all, I knew he meant well. Charlie was a great person and I knew I would miss him a lot. I didn't want to start thinking of him right now because I knew I would start to tear up, something I didn't want to do at this moment with Alice and Edward sitting right next to me.

"Why can't I stay here today?" Alice demanded.

"Why are you being so loud?" Edward retorted.

"What's up with you two?" I asked.

"Your _husband_ wants me to go hunting with Emmet and Jasper so he could take you somewhere 'special' as if I can't come either. Tell him you want me to go too," she said.

"Where are you taking me?" I asked Edward.

"It's a surprise but it was only intended for me and you not me, you, and Alice," he said calmly.

"You know what fine! I'm gone. I guess leaving you two alone is what I should do from now on. Hope you enjoyed your breakfast. I'm sure Edward's going to be cooking it from now on," Alice shrieked as she loudly left the table.

"Don't mind Alice. She's just scared that she'll feel left out now that we're together," Edward whispered.

"I DO NOT!" Alice yelled from her room.


	2. A Journey Awaits

Poor Alice, I guess she thought she'd be so happy that she wouldn't have to think twice about our relationship

Poor Alice, I guess she thought she'd be so happy that she wouldn't have to think twice about our relationship. I'm sure Alice should understand that Edward and I would like to be alone a little more than before, now that we're married. Sure we always wanted that _alone _time anyway, but now we were free to take our love to any extreme as we wanted.

Enough of thinking like this. I needed to eat.

"Bella, dear. What are you thinking about? Is it Alice?" His sweet voice asked, oh so calmingly.

"Yeah, I feel really bad for her. I don't know what to do," I replied.

"I'm sure we'll figure something out. But we have something important to discuss before we do anything else."

"What is it?"

"It's about you becoming one of us."

I was suddenly taken back by surprise. I always seemed to block this thought out of my head whenever possible. I don't know why but I didn't want to talk about it.

"Well, what's there to talk about? It will happen soon, enough," I plainly said.

"Bella, the way you're sounding, it's as if you are a little hesitant. Is it because you're scared?"

"Um, no. I'm not scared of becoming a vampire. I just feel that maybe, I'm not ready yet, you know."

Edward's expression changed to sorrow. I know Edward would rather me stay human, but I think he probably felt that I didn't want to marry him.

"Edward, it has nothing to do with you. You know I love you no matter what. I guess what I'm feeling is post-Marriage blues, if those are the right words."

"I've never heard of such thing, Bella. You're one of a kind, just the way I like you. I'm glad that you've told me how you truly felt. Would you like to visit your family anytime soon?"

Along with my family, I also longed to see Jacob. I knew Jacob was nowhere near as close as ever but some part of me wanted to see his smiling face again. I wanted to see my father Charlie and maybe say good bye to him. I wanted to see Renee and tell her how much I love her and overly thank her for letting me live with my dad.

There was so much I felt like I was leaving behind. I was a person who sucked at detachment. When Edward left me, I felt like my whole world was falling apart.

"Thanks Edward," I said. The thought just occurred to me that maybe detachment was what I needed. I know I'd miss my family so much more if I saw them just once more again. "I don't think seeing them should even be an option. I'll come back eventually, you know, after they think I'm on vacation from college. By then, everything should level itself out and I would hopefully feel the same way about them as I do now."

"Bella, I don't know why you're over thinking this. You're going to be perfectly fine. All you need is a little time to adjust and you'll be well on you're way. It takes time to heal these things, and surely time is what you will get," he reassured me. "But what about your friend Jacob?"

I paused in thought. "Jacob said he didn't want to see me again if I were a vampire. He wouldn't be able to deal with the pain. We've already said out goodbyes. What else could be left?"

"Maybe seeing him just one more time would make you feel a lot better. Maybe you'll feel a little more optimistic about your marriage."

"Edward, I'm really sorry that I feel this way because I know its affecting you too but it would hurt too much if I saw Jacob. He already said he doesn't want to see me if I'm a vampire because he's afraid he might do something."

"Bella, are you a vampire yet?"

"No, but—"

"But what, I think you should see him one more time. Just once. I'm sure he would be really glad to know you came back for him. Just once, Bella please. Say a 'real' good bye to him."

"What do you mean by 'real' goodbye?"

"It's just that, he took off with the wrong thoughts in memory. I'm sure he'll very much appreciate it that you came to see if, even if it's just once."

"How do I find him? The rest of the Quileute tribe doesn't know where exactly he is. He just took off like that, never mentioning where he was going."

"I'm sure, if you're around, he'll meet you."

"Where do we begin to look for him?"

Just then, Alice came back downstairs. She smirked at Edward on her way down. Edward looked a little hurt.

"Well Bella, looks like Edward wants to get rid of you," Alice scoffed.

"What are you talking about?"

"Well, he's obviously sending you off to Jacob, isn't he?"

"Alice please, I'm doing it for the benefit of her," Edward said.

"Yeah, right Edward, like you really want Bella to see Jacob. After all you've been through with that dog."

"Then why would I suggest it to her?"

"Alice, you already know why, stop taunting Bella!"

Alice rolled her eyes and glided outside the house to her yellow Porsche. I heard the purr of the engine start up and speedily took off into a distance.

"I think the best way to find Jacob is to literally go to La Push. Then we can talk to Sam and the others and see if they have a hunch to where he might be. I'm sure Jacob wouldn't go that far away," I said.

"Anything, my dear."

"Thank you so much Edward. You're the best," I told him, lightly kissing his cheek. "So when do we get moving?" I asked.

"As soon as the pack gets back, we can go," Edward said.

"How do we break the news to them?" I asked.

"I'm sure they will find out sooner or later," Edward said glancing towards the door.

To pass the time, Edward and I watched TV together but I couldn't seem to concentrate on the show. All I thought about was Jacob. I was really excited to see him again but the feeling of guilt clouded my mind. How can I do this to Edward? I already had to force myself to stop thinking about him before, but the memories just wouldn't go away. Thoughts of motorcycling filled my head, along with spending time with him, Quil and Embry. There was a smile on my face, and I'm sure Edward noticed. But I know Edward was glad that I was happy.


End file.
